We had old friends visiting recently. I carefully planned the trip ahead of time so that we would have an interesting and enjoyable visit. He is a night owl and she is up at dawn so we had to plan around their hours. Plus my husband had to take a few phone meetings throughout.
My friend is wise. This guy she met on a dating site many years ago. He isn't the love of her life but he adores her and they have a very active social life that includes travel, theatre, new experiences and new people. She put herself out there on a dating site, took a chance, met some odd characters and then this guy came along. He is OCD, germ phobic, somewhat emotionally shallow but very smart and good company with decent values. She has thought through the relationship and enforces her boundaries.
He'd like to live together but she has nixed that. They see each other Thursdays and Saturdays when she sleeps over at his place. She rarely has him at her place since his condo is closer to downtown.
When they were here I noticed that she actually doted over him like the proverbial mother hen. She has a tendency to do that anyway since she is a therapist and a bit of a rescuer. But I realized I ignored my husband in comparison, only noticing him when he did something annoying, misplaced something, was late for some event, drove too fast or other irritating things.
So after watching my friend navigate her relationship, I have been trying more to listen to my husband, praise the things he does well, ask for his opinion, soothe his wounded feelings when he feels down, not try to win every argument.
It ain't easy.
