Last week I attended a birthday luncheon for a neighbor in our former Florida community. My husband was out of town for meetings. A very small group of friends gathered at a waterfront restaurant and I realized I was extraordinarily fond of all of these people. I miss seeing them, socializing with them. But the ranks are thinning. A good friend has dementia and she struggles to carry on a conversation. Another friend has a subdural hematoma and is on bed rest. Even when everyone is/was well we are just far enough away (about 10 miles) that we have to make an effort to get together.
Yet I love our new condo and it makes good sense. It is ground floor, handicapped accessible. We have a little garden in front and back. We have privacy. We don't know many people and we never will. This isn't a social, golf club community. I think many people moved here because friends/relatives moved here from New York, or wherever and told them about this community which is dog friendly. We have friends and family visit and get together with other friends who are down for the winter. It really is a nice balance. Not too much or too little. Still I miss the old crowd from the old community. But....you can't have it all.
Sunday, March 4, 2018
Counting my blessings
My daughter in law's uncle committed suicide last week. Shot himself. Our son described the funeral, in a stupendous mega-church in a rural area of Virginia. One brother gave a rambling guilt and grief filled eulogy that included the confession that he (the brother) decided he could no longer shoot a deer so he gave his guns to the brother who shot himself. Apparently, said our son, these families have "Paw's" and "Grand-paws" guns that are handed down like precious heirlooms. Worse, the funeral was diminished by the acrimony of half of the family who consider suicide a disgrace and a sin punishable by hell for all eternity.
This family is plagued by mental illness and the uncle who shot himself amazingly appeared to be the most stable member of the family, according to our son..
I grew up in New York in an upper middle class community where most of the Dad's had an Ivy League education and where no one I knew had a gun and no one I knew went hunting. There was one suicide. Our next door neighbors had two little boys my age (like 6 and 3). The husband was rather handsome, as Dads go to a 6 year old eyes. Then the wife was told by her husband, a Pan Am pilot, that he wanted a divorce. Another woman, of course. She put on her pearls and her mink and went in to the Waldorf Astoria in New York City , checked in and checked out with an overdose and took an overdose. Very lady like and not messy.
New York had strict gun laws but even beyond that I think maybe I have been traveling in a bubble my whole life - a private college, graduate school, colleagues, friends and neighbors who were intelligent, sensible people. If they weren't intelligent and sensible we just didn't associate with them.
But it's scary in the real world.
This family is plagued by mental illness and the uncle who shot himself amazingly appeared to be the most stable member of the family, according to our son..
I grew up in New York in an upper middle class community where most of the Dad's had an Ivy League education and where no one I knew had a gun and no one I knew went hunting. There was one suicide. Our next door neighbors had two little boys my age (like 6 and 3). The husband was rather handsome, as Dads go to a 6 year old eyes. Then the wife was told by her husband, a Pan Am pilot, that he wanted a divorce. Another woman, of course. She put on her pearls and her mink and went in to the Waldorf Astoria in New York City , checked in and checked out with an overdose and took an overdose. Very lady like and not messy.
New York had strict gun laws but even beyond that I think maybe I have been traveling in a bubble my whole life - a private college, graduate school, colleagues, friends and neighbors who were intelligent, sensible people. If they weren't intelligent and sensible we just didn't associate with them.
But it's scary in the real world.
A neighbor's sorrow
Our upstairs neighbors are Russians, now living in Canada for 22 years. Both are scientists with kids who are scientists. We have gotten together with them intermittently in the past couple of years. They typically rent their condo out. This year they are not renting it, just going back and forth to Canada every few weeks where he has his business. They love it here, jogging, bicycling, always at the beach, grilling outside, etc.
Then I saw them as they entered their condo. Her mother in Russia had a stroke. My neighbor was devastated. She has to go back to Russia to see her mother who appears to have been given a tracheotomy and is possibly on life support in the hospital. She must be moved to a facility but where and how. The grief, I sense, is complicated by fear. My neighbor no longer knows the system in Russia. Her stepfather is an experimental physicist totally wrapped up in his work. He considers his step daughter a traitor since he hates the U.S. and Canada and is "200% behind Putin". He is "brainwashed" she says. So she is essentially going back to a hostile environment. She has a step sister living in Canada who is back with the mother and is "drained". No help there. Her husband has decided to go back to Russia with her and I'm glad. She seems so fragile and overwhelmed. I wonder if they might be detained in Russia on some charges. She seems discouraged and frightened by the political environment there and current hostilities (sanctions) with the US.
I hope we see them again. I promised to water her plant on the lanai.
We forget how precious our democracy is and easily it can be lost. Just as Russia reverted to a dictator, we can be subsumed by fascism and autocratic rule.
Then I saw them as they entered their condo. Her mother in Russia had a stroke. My neighbor was devastated. She has to go back to Russia to see her mother who appears to have been given a tracheotomy and is possibly on life support in the hospital. She must be moved to a facility but where and how. The grief, I sense, is complicated by fear. My neighbor no longer knows the system in Russia. Her stepfather is an experimental physicist totally wrapped up in his work. He considers his step daughter a traitor since he hates the U.S. and Canada and is "200% behind Putin". He is "brainwashed" she says. So she is essentially going back to a hostile environment. She has a step sister living in Canada who is back with the mother and is "drained". No help there. Her husband has decided to go back to Russia with her and I'm glad. She seems so fragile and overwhelmed. I wonder if they might be detained in Russia on some charges. She seems discouraged and frightened by the political environment there and current hostilities (sanctions) with the US.
I hope we see them again. I promised to water her plant on the lanai.
We forget how precious our democracy is and easily it can be lost. Just as Russia reverted to a dictator, we can be subsumed by fascism and autocratic rule.
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