Our dog is mad at us.

 I don't blame her.  The September weather is perfect for keeping doors open.  I'm in and out, getting chores done with the help of a once a week landscaper.  Sometimes Zoey follows me around and sometimes she disappears to sniff in the bushes.  Often I have to search for her in the house.  I know her usual spots but sometimes we just call "treat!" and she shows up.

We often start watching movies at 6 p.m., even before night falls.  My husband likes to get to bed early.  So we watched movies until 10 p.m.  Then I looked for the dog.  She was nowhere.

My husband found her patiently sitting at the front door.  She never even barked but boy was she mad.  She went straight upstairs to her bed and gave me the stink eye when I came up to pat her.  She was wiped out exhausted from staying awake.

Well, she is still up there this a.m.  I'd better check on her.

 

That Old Gang of Mine

 Every year in Florida we have a group of friends who arrive at varying times from up north.  The pandemic has upended everyone's plans.  Getting older is also a sobering reality.

One friend has had dementia for the past few years.  It is getting worse.  Her husband has someone with her when he leaves to play golf.  Their children are up north and this year they are not going back to Florida.

I emailed another friend about our yearly Thanksgiving plans.  He wasn't sure they would make it back for Thanksgiving. They might go down later.  His wife had a bladder tumor that was benign but worrisome.

Another friend has a-Fib that is barely controlled.  His wife keeps him rested and house bound these days.

Another friend is recovering from back surgery.

We might be the last ones standing.  We are a few years younger than them so this might be our future.

Pepper Update

 Pepper, our son's cat, disappeared the night before she was put to sleep.  She had cancer.  His 12 year old daughter found her at the dock which is reached by going down a steep hill by 100 steps or so.  She had never gone down there before.  They brought her back to the house.  Then she disappeared again.  This time she was found on their boat.  She had to jump more than 3 feet from the dock to the boat. It was high tide and an amazingly difficult jump for an old cat with cancer.

Finally, the vet came and Pepper escaped no more.  It was time.

Pepper

 Our son rescued Pepper almost 20 years ago. She was living in a filthy room with a man with severe mental illness.  She is a pretty cat. Tricolor.  I think there is a name for that kind of cat

Pepper has always been skittish around people.  I've never had a cat so maybe that is within the normal range for cats. Maybe because of her early environment she wasn't particularly friendly.  She became an outdoor/indoor cat pretty much doing her own thing.  They had a cat door to the house.   When our son and his family went away I would go over to replace her food and water,Pepper would hear the car and run out to "greet" me but didn't typically let me near her.  Once she rolled over exposing her clean white belly.  I leaned down to scratch her the way I scratch dogs.  She bit me.  Sometimes she would cry when I drove up and I think she missed her people.. If she didn't show up I worried that a coyote or other creature had gotten her.  She always turned up the next day.

Over the years our son acquired a dog for the kids and a kitten that his wife found at the side of the road.

Pepper ignored the other creatures.

Recently she has slowed down.  Their vet found cancerous tumors.  Our son made an appointment with a vet who makes house visits to euthanize sick pets.  The night before the appointment the family said goodbye to Pepper who was up in her playhouse (which she had not climbed into in more than a year).  The next morning she was still in her playhouse.  Then she went outside about 5 minutes before the vet arrived and disappeared. 

They can't find her.  

Getting Lost

 I walk our dog in an adjacent community where I know no one.  Zoey doesn't like other dogs and I have to  avoid them.  Also too many people in our small community go out without masks which is OK if you don't stop and chat.  I don't know anyone in the larger adjacent community I drive to with Zoey.

Zoey gets bored with her walks these days.  Even in this orderly planned community we walk in, she pulls me down a hidden dirt path that leads to woods and then another older community.  The older community was once a summer cottage community since it borders the river and its various tributaries.  Some homes are ramshackle, others are well maintained.

I use  my walks to call friends, especially friends who might be isolated.  call an old friend who was widowed last year and is facing health problems.  Zoey pulls me into the adjacent community and I walk and talk on the phone.  Turn down several windy streets. Don't pay attention to where I'm going.   I've never been here but I vaguely know where we are.

Then I look around.  tell my friend on the phone I'm not sure where I've walked to.  I walk down one street and then another.  The way out doesn't seem immediately apparent.   I keep talking to my friend but say I can't find my way back.  She says, you're scaring me.  She probably thought I was slipping into dementia. Finally I tell my friend I'm hanging up and focusing on getting home.  I call my husband and also check Waze.  The way I came in on a dirt path through the woods is not on Waze and I get a much longer road home which I don't want to take.  My car is parked on the road near the woods.

My husband picks me up and drives me to the dirt path.  The experience was concerning.  What if I couldn't reach my husband?  What if my phone was dead?

My husband says, just pay attention when you are out walking and don't talk on the phone!!!

Old Friends

 My very best friends are the ones I made early in life.  My home life was stable and we always lived in the same place.  My mother, in fact, lived in the home she went to as a bride for 60 years.  My college life was stable.  Same college, loved it, graduated after 4 years, went immediately to graduate school for 2 years where I met my husband. We raised our children in 2 different homes, moving to our current home after they were grown.

So friendships threaded their way through this sameness.  

My oldest friend is from 4th grade.  We went to high school and college together and had the same group of friends throughout those years.  We married a week apart.  She settled in a distant state.  Our lives diverged somewhat but we could always pick up the thread and commiserated about medical, dental and other issues, pets and children.  We were both always dog lovers.  She became a widow very young, never remarried. For years, she would visit us in Florida but finally stopped just last year since she always got a cold after flying.  Usually she would take the train down here or drive down with one of her kids and visit in the summer  Then the pandemic struck.

Another old friend is from high school.  We haven't seen each other for years since she lives in a rural part of Pennsylvania.  We have been planning to take public transportation to NYC and meet there.  Then the pandemic struck.

Several old friends are from college. One old friend now lives in California.  Her life has been difficult in some ways but fortunate in others.  Her daughter, a stellar student who went on to earn a Ph.D. married an abusive creep. There was a young child involved. My friend and her husband, years ago went into a witness protection mode, quit their jobs and moved to California, telling no one where they were going. The daughter had an excellent job nearby in California and took her daughter (their granddaughter) with her.  The creepy husband made some attempts over the years to connect but is essentially a low life who can't hold a job and has nothing to back him up.  Now that granddaughter is starting college, my friends husband has died but her daughter (whose second husband died young of cancer) lives nearby.  My friend has many cousins, relatives and friends in California, friends she made through teaching there, playing bridge, etc.  She has a full and rich life now despite turmoil and loss in the early years of adulthood.

Another old friend from college now lives in a southern state.  She lives in the same large home she and her husband bought when they were first married.  For several years her husband suffered from Parkinson's. He was a brilliant, affable man. Until recently, we would get together with them yearly.  I'm glad we visited him in a very high end assisted living/nursing home care a year ago.  She was at his side at the assisted living facility every day.   Last fall he died.  She seems to be doing OK, she plans to stay in her home, stating she doesn't like the enforced socializing and crowded conditions of even the best facilities.  I totally agree. I don't know when we will see her again.

A friend from graduate school lives nearby.  Her husband died suddenly several years ago.  She still works and is very good at out of the box/creative thinking.  She has dated the same man for many years now and he has wanted to get married/live together for years.  She has resisted.  They always take wonderful trips together to exotic, interesting places.  Then the pandemic struck. 

Our yoga teacher

 She is a member of our Church in Florida.  She offered to teach Zoom yoga when the pandemic started.  My husband and I signed up, as it were.  No charges.  She says it keeps her on track to have others do it with her.

We are steady participants.  She is very good.  Sometimes her husband joins.  He is not so good.  It is amusing to see him stop and rest as if we can't see him behind her.  He adds a bit of humanness to the process.  She is serious and focused.  I really don't know her at all.

 Yet she worries about us if we don't Zoom in.  I feel a responsibility to let her know we wont be coming.  That is only fair.

Oddly, the yoga helps with strength and flexibility.  I'm rather surprised but pleased.  Yoga was never my favorite "thing" I have to send her a nice gift of thanks but I can't decide what.