Visits from friends and family bring a deviation from what passes for routine. Then there is the added issue of fading memories. Recently, we set off for Naples Botanical Gardens with Zoey and relatives in tow. We planned to leave early to beat the heat and crowds but my sister in law never emerged from the bedroom until after we finished breakfast. She had overslept. We left an hour later and I was trying to contain my irritation. I packed a bagel for her in a baggie to eat on the way.
My husband, in what only can be explained as an unconscious attempt to sabatoge the trip took the most impossibly circuitous route down there, adding time to the drive. Zoey had to sit on my lap since we didn't plan for her to not be able to fit on the seat with four of us in the car. Fortunately, she no longer vomits in the car. But she was panting heavily with the heat and anxiety.
When we arrived, I found I had forgotten my membership card, necessitating a trip to the window where the officious volunteer ladies reign. Then my SIL said, where's that bagel you brought for me, I just took some medicine and need to eat something fast. I looked in my purse, no bagel. SIL had to buy a scone.
The sun was high, the heat was uncomfortable. We didn't stay long. Off to a little pizza/subs spot for lunch. My husband wanted to pay but found he had lost his wallet. After a long trek to the car, fingers crossed, he found it had fallen under the seat. Whew.
Then we walked to the dock. I was annoyed to find somehow I must have left my sunglasses at the pizza spot since they were not on my head or in my purse. My SIL's sunglasses looked suspiciously like mine. But they couldn't be, could they? Then I realized. Hers were blue rimmed, mine were brown. Yup her blue rimmed sunglasses were in her purse. Guess what, so were the bagels I had packed. I had given them to her as we left the house.
After arriving home we retired to our rooms for what passed for afternoon naps.
What was interesting was my SIL had earlier mentioned in private that her husband was losing words and they had an appointment with a neurologist to check him out for that dreaded "memory loss". BIL seemed to remember things better than the rest of us.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Self-awaeness
Hosting family for a few days here in Florida. They are good company, convivial, helpful, and generous - bring gifts and paying for dinners out.
But. But. Something that is probably out of their awareness - storytelling oneupsmanship. They counter eerything we might mention with something better. If we mention , for example, that a friend's daughter is going to Hawaii on her honeymoon, then they know friends who are taking their extended family for a month to Hawaii. If we mention the experience of a hospital stay, they mention how their doctor gives them special treatment because he is a friend of a friend. If we mention how friends' children are doing well, they will mention a high school friend who married 5 times, each time marrying further up until the last marriage (to a man whose name is well known) yielded two castles in Ireland, a penthouse in NYC, a sprawling home in Key West etc.
In their life, all their children are good looking and successful, their friends are prosperous and loyal and their lives are better than anyone's on the planet. It gets old fast.
But. But. Something that is probably out of their awareness - storytelling oneupsmanship. They counter eerything we might mention with something better. If we mention , for example, that a friend's daughter is going to Hawaii on her honeymoon, then they know friends who are taking their extended family for a month to Hawaii. If we mention the experience of a hospital stay, they mention how their doctor gives them special treatment because he is a friend of a friend. If we mention how friends' children are doing well, they will mention a high school friend who married 5 times, each time marrying further up until the last marriage (to a man whose name is well known) yielded two castles in Ireland, a penthouse in NYC, a sprawling home in Key West etc.
In their life, all their children are good looking and successful, their friends are prosperous and loyal and their lives are better than anyone's on the planet. It gets old fast.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Expect the Unexpected
Developmental psychologists tell us certain life events are ''normative". For example, most kids start to read around age 7. A kid who reads at age 2 is a prodigy and his/her reading abilities are non-normative. We start to get old and feel our age at 65. That's the norm. Feeling old at 35 is non-normative and can signal a disease.
My husband works with a man who was a rising star in their firm. The man was in his 50's and had children who were just about launched. Then, one day, while on a treadmill in his gym, he started to feel strange. Got off the treadmill and went into cardiac arrest.
That was more than a year ago. The man has suffered brain damage and his short term memory is gone; he has bursts of anger and is demanding. What happened was catastrophic, certainly for the man, his wife and his family. He went on disability. The president of the firm, a very decent person, distributed the man's clients among other staff. The man went ballistic. He wants it all. Disability payments. His clients back. His salary back. He screamed at one of the people who took over one client, saying she was not qualified. Left her in tears.
How is this type of situation resolved without litigation? The president of the firm is trying to keep the clients since the firm gets a percentage. If this brain damaged man keeps the clients he will lose his disability and ultimately the clients. A lose-lose for everyone.
Disability insurance is one of the things young people don't consider. The disability policy through my husband's work only lasts for two years and pays a fraction of his salary. Unless this man has another disability policy outside work or source of income, he is facing life with diminished resources.
My husband works with a man who was a rising star in their firm. The man was in his 50's and had children who were just about launched. Then, one day, while on a treadmill in his gym, he started to feel strange. Got off the treadmill and went into cardiac arrest.
That was more than a year ago. The man has suffered brain damage and his short term memory is gone; he has bursts of anger and is demanding. What happened was catastrophic, certainly for the man, his wife and his family. He went on disability. The president of the firm, a very decent person, distributed the man's clients among other staff. The man went ballistic. He wants it all. Disability payments. His clients back. His salary back. He screamed at one of the people who took over one client, saying she was not qualified. Left her in tears.
How is this type of situation resolved without litigation? The president of the firm is trying to keep the clients since the firm gets a percentage. If this brain damaged man keeps the clients he will lose his disability and ultimately the clients. A lose-lose for everyone.
Disability insurance is one of the things young people don't consider. The disability policy through my husband's work only lasts for two years and pays a fraction of his salary. Unless this man has another disability policy outside work or source of income, he is facing life with diminished resources.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Only in Florida
....do you see a sign on a main road offering concealed gun permits. And they will come to your home to fill out the paperwork. Good God!
...do you see a standard poodle painted in patches of color all over his body. EWWWW.
...do they have Greyhound racing not too far from us.
...do I go to get Zoey a bath and haircut and the pet care place has a zillion little dogs behind the counter barking and squealing. I think they double as a daycare place for dogs. Gotta be a money maker!!
...do you see a strange black animal run across the yard behind our condo.
...do I forget about coyotes and worry about cane toads
...do I search in vain for a decent hairdresser
...do we go to a concert and the mc asks how many in the audience were born in Florida and no one raises their hands
...do you see a standard poodle painted in patches of color all over his body. EWWWW.
...do they have Greyhound racing not too far from us.
...do I go to get Zoey a bath and haircut and the pet care place has a zillion little dogs behind the counter barking and squealing. I think they double as a daycare place for dogs. Gotta be a money maker!!
...do you see a strange black animal run across the yard behind our condo.
...do I forget about coyotes and worry about cane toads
...do I search in vain for a decent hairdresser
...do we go to a concert and the mc asks how many in the audience were born in Florida and no one raises their hands
I'm fading rapidly
So said an old friend when a group of us were out one evening. She has Altzheimers and she is aware of what she is losing. I can't write she says. But I can read. I'm frankly horrified to hear this. Last year she stopped using email and the computer. Two years ago her doctor said she had to stop driving since she was getting lost.
Later, she called me up and asked that I don't repeat what she said. She doesn't want anyone to know. But they all do, of course.
More recently her family, children and siblings had a big party for her in the town where she was raised. Fancy hotel, etc. She was looking forward to it. So what happens. A young group from another party push past her and she falls. Back injury that might need surgery. Awful. I need to call and take her out for lunch.
Later, she called me up and asked that I don't repeat what she said. She doesn't want anyone to know. But they all do, of course.
More recently her family, children and siblings had a big party for her in the town where she was raised. Fancy hotel, etc. She was looking forward to it. So what happens. A young group from another party push past her and she falls. Back injury that might need surgery. Awful. I need to call and take her out for lunch.
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