Remembering an old friend

I have an old friend I don't see very often.  This year, while back at home I am making an effort to re connect with many friends we have almost lost touch with.  This old friend is one of them.

Today I called her.  She is going out to lunch with a mutual friend's son.  It is his birthday and the 10th anniversary of a horrific auto accident that killed his father.  The son had taken the day off and he and his father were driving locally during the daytime.  A truck ran a red light and killed the father and severely injured the son. The owners of the truck had no insurance and no assets.  His wife was left alone on a large property she had inherited from her parents, a beautiful spot on a river north of us. Somehow she coped but was devastated beyond belief.  This death was beyond senseless. She nursed her son, a single guy, back to health over several months.  He stayed on and lived with her, helping to maintain their extensive property.

Our friend never really recovered from her husband's death. I didn't connect with her and the other friend as much as I should.   Two years ago, our friend died and I dropped out of connecting with our other friend. My telephone call was a start in re connecting.

Chronic Undifferentiated Overhelpfulness

I have an old school friend, a widow, and we get together periodically for lunch, museum excursions, etc. She is a family therapist and what my husband says is that she treats everyone in that oozy sympathetic how are you doing kind of family therapist way.  He is not crazy about her so we rarely go out with her and her boyfriend.  We got together yesterday and she had me over for lunch. It soon became clear she had a hidden agenda. She had an article she had printed out from her computer.  This article was on neuroplasticity in the aging brain.  She had noticed I seemed to be more distracted and anxious lately.  Well, I haven't seen her since before we left for Florida (more than 8 months ago) so what exactly is "lately" and how did she just happen to have an article waiting to share with me? In fact, I had noticed the same thing about her since she chatted away non stop when she first saw me (chatting too much is a sign of anxiety).  Maybe she is projecting?

It gets better. She reads the article to me (doesn't just make a copy and give it to me), skipping parts but basically reads the whole thing.  Her behavior was very patronizing.  As she was reading it, I was thinking why am I still friends with this person?  I told her the article was very interesting and I left soon after.

What is going on feels uncomfortable.  She has been a therapist so long she needs to diagnose and fix everyone. We go back many years but our lives have diverged. Pulling out an article and relating it to my faults felt hostile, particularly since this was out of the blue, not related to anything I said or complained about.

I decided to act interested in the article, not defensive or annoyed,and even made comments on how interesting it was.  We don't live that close and  don't see each other that often, fortunately.

The Hedgehog

Just a postscript to my Hedgehog story.  We found a spot for it in our yard, nestled in some ferns on a hill and it looks splendid.  A new neighbor came over to look at our garden and the first thing she noticed was the hedgehog which she loved. So now I love it,too, and am thinking of getting a few more to tuck among the ferns.

Meanwhile, I get the granddaughters gift certificates for birthdays etc. since there is not much sense getting gifts for someone who grumbles.  Saves me time and keeps me from being annoyed at them.