Tales From the Pandemic: Make Lemonade

The pandemic has created hardship, suffering and desperation among many.  The extent of the world wide devastation is incomprehensible.  I think of the people affected the most: families with children, workers who have lost their jobs, businesses that may never reopen, those living in cramped housing conditions and many others.

We are now just hearing that this may never go away, even after a vaccine is discovered.

Recently I said to a friend, we were fortunate to live when we did.  I'm retired, my husband can work remotely. Our Florida community is sparsely populated and pleasant.  The dog and I walk to the pond, watch the ducks, and contemplate the beauty around us.  I talk to friends on the phone. The dog just sits, pants and is annoyed that we are not going further. 

I try not to think of our old life, of what we lost but rather think about what we still have and what we can do to make life manageable, even interesting. We are fortunate.

If this virus is never completely going away, the world is changed forever and we must adapt: individually and as a world community.


Our niece is an environmental engineer, working from the apartment she shares with her boyfriend.

She has started a genealogy project, using 23 and me and Ancestry.com.  What she has uncovered is amazing, especially linking up her findings on Ancestry. com and then finding distant relatives with interesting tales to tell about common ancestors.  I can see how this would be an all-encompassing project.  A project that may have never been started if ordinary work and regular routines were not disrupted.

Years ago, I went on 23 and me when it first started.  Some guy in England, an amateur genealogist, discovered we were 6th cousins. We emailed a bit.  He was British and I was mainly of Irish heritage. He couldn't understand how we were related since the mutual greatgreat etc grandparents would have lived some time in the 1700's.  He wanted me to go back further that the 1820's when my ancestors arrived in America. He acted shocked that I didn't know, couldn't know.  How would he, poor fellow, ever figure out how we were related?   He though he was pure British.  I said, use your imagination.  I'm sure the Church of England didn't sanction the coupling that led to our existence 2 centuries later.  He was horrified at my offhandedness.

Then there were appeals from people who were adopted and looking for birth parents.  I think I know who in my small family might have had an unplanned pregnancy and given up a child.  But what is the point, really?  Some of the people looking for birth parents were anguished.  They were looking for the fantasy real mother and father to replace the adoptive parents who raised them,

I signed my husband up also.  He never had any interest. I'd look on line at posts from people to him  with the same requests.  One had a suspiciously familiar name (we used initials for our profiles). She was my husband's late uncle's daughter.  I introduced myself, we chatted on line a bit and she told me a story: her father in law apparently had a child by another woman.  This adult child found them: he refused to acknowledge his paternity (she was an adult so no money would have been involved) and it was a sad story because of the confusion it caused among other members of the family and this child who found her father but was rejected..

My interest in 23 and Me has vanished and I can't imagine connecting with strangers, despite shared genes. My last on line encounter was an odd email from a woman I had seen on 23 and Me for several years - listed as a second cousin.  Unusual name. Looked her up.  An aging  rocker from years ago.  Tats and a wild hairstyle.  She looked a bit like my mother's sister. Overbite, uncorrected back then. We corresponded a bit and I think her father was my mother's cousin.  But what of it?  We had no history, nothing in common. I didn't give her my name when she asked.

 For years, my mother didn't talk about her family.  Her mother died when she was 4.  Her father married his mistress a month later but left his children with his dead wife's sisters.  You can imagine how well that went over back then,,,,

For years, my mother would get notices of "cousins" 4th of July picnics at a beach about 20 miles from us.  My father always nixed it. He didn't like beaches, the 4th of July and attendant celebrations.

Odd that we children didn't push it, especially since we only had two cousins , much older, of our own. We would ask questions but my mother did not wish to discuss her childhood.

Years later, after my mother died, I found a box of memorabilia and a faded newspaper obit.  My mother had written, "my uncle".  He was married to my mother's aunt who raised her.  So many secrets died with my mother.

Tales From the Pandemic: Decisions!!!

This pandemic would not appear to be a time to make a major life decision such as moving to another state or changing jobs.  Yet I know two cases where individuals planned just that.

It's called a geographic cure.

The first case was a teacher, a single woman, who was stuck in her apartment doing virtual instruction.  She realized that the apartment was not where she wanted to be, basically because the volume of traffic through the lobby, lack of masks etc made her concerned about coming  down with COVID.  The city streets were no longer were exciting or sophisticated, just potentially dangerous.  She wanted a quieter pace, a community, maybe a new job but where....and when?  She reviewed in her mind the pros and cons, never coming to a clear decision.

Another case is that of an old friend from college and her second husband who have been nomads of sorts since they were married more than 20 years ago.  Time is running out for them.  I think of that game children play with chairs and when the music stops everyone rushes for a chair.  There is always one more child than chairs so someone is always "out" because they don't have a chair.

They might be without a chair to land on.

These friends have always had plausible reasons to move.  Health, mainly,  She has a chronic condition where she needs a dry, desert like climate.   Years ago, she divorced her first husband  where they raised a daughter on the East Coast and went to graduate school in Phoenix.  But Phoenix now has too much traffic.  Tucson has too much crime.  They lived in San Diego in a posh golf course community which I was sure they wouldn't like.  They didn't.  She has a sister in San Diego but is too "coastal" although considered desert. Also she has a grifter brother in San Diego who has spent his adult life after coming back from Nam not working, borrowing from family.

 My friend and her husband lived in Las Cruces  at one point which she hated and which had too much crime.  Then they lived in a wonderful house in Albuquerque but Albuquerque had too much crime.  They always did voluminous research.  Decided to go to Ft Collins, Co for the climate and college environment where they thought they could avail themselves of cultural activities.  This time they rented; they had lost money on two homes they sold.  Her daughter, unmarried, has a serious terminal condition.  They are helping her out financially.  Sadly, I think they are running out of money as well as time.

 Ft Collins hasn't the right climate after all, they are living on the third floor in an apartment building with 30 year olds "with 5 dogs each".  They have made no friends.  He doesn't like it there for reasons she couldn't specify.  I think it sounds almost tragic. 

As the saying goes, they are not getting any younger.

So she called the other day from St George, Utah,  She and her husband drove 12 hours from Ft Collins and are staying in a motel for several days sussing out St George. Visiting with realtors, looking at options.  They also are going to check out Henderson, Nev. while they are there.

Time is running out.  Their lease in Ft Collins also is running out.  Either they re-up for a year or move on.  We spent 2 hours talking about the pros and cons of St. George.  Pros: St George seems to have a dry climate and has lots of Mormons which means the crime rate is low.  Hiking and biking is good.  Scenery gorgeous.  Con: what if they don't like it any more than Ft Collins?  She would lose her doctor in Ft Collins which is important.  If they rent, all the apartments they have seen are tiny.

I'd be panicking.....

Decision: She texted me today.  They are going to ask for a month to month extension on their apartment in Ft Collins and look for a house to rent in St George.

I am happy for them.

I hope St. George becomes the home they are seeking  but OMG no way would I move in this pandemic!!!

May 19th

A colleague of Joe's lost his wife recently....not to the virus but to a drunk driver on a road in upstate NY.  She and their daughter were bicycling.  They were retiring and had just finished building a home in Santa Fe.....just a short time until they moved there....She died instantly and was 64 years old.

So much sadness and sorrow and just a bizarre world.

Called friend Sheila to tell her about Jim and Leo's plans to leave Fl.  Called old college friend Maureen Kenny  in NC and had a nice catch up conversation.

Need to send Sheila a birthday card and send a donation for Joe' friends wife

Did yoga on line again and found out our teacher going home to R I.  She is good and I hope she can continue from there.

Whole Foods is delivering regularly now unlike the early days.

My daylilies are doing Ok

Bad storm and tornado and hail warning yesterday.

Friday May 15

A bit of excitement yesterday.  A fire started in the area across the street from the entrance to our community.  Appears to be arson.  Several fires were set in various area locations in a 20 mile swath of  us.  Not reassuring.  We packed for an evacuation order that never came.  Lives could have been lost, firefighters were treated at hospitals. Rain today but our bags are still packed.

Spoke with Jody.  Reopening at a limited take out level.  He is cooking at night...  Tragic for everyone.

MaY 13

This was my father's birthday, always a pleasant day, trees blooming, soft winds swirling.  He never wanted a fuss made out of his birthday, maybe a throwback to his emotionally impoverished childhood.  This week has been rather productive.  I sent a copy of Jen's orange daylily  story to a large group of friends.  Got lots of positive responses and it gave me a chance to connect to people I have not seen in years.  Joe and I are doing yoga through our church,  On line where no one can see how awful we are.   I'm trimming the garden, cutting the bouganvillas, a little each day.  I contributed (again) to our moribund writers group after our leader posted a short article of his for review.  Joe and I work independently, watch netflix together. Have taken a couple of drives, together and separately.  Wait for this to be over but really not a bad life.

May 7th

Not much clarity on when or if this will end.  I think most likely when a vaccine becomes widely available.  Probably in 2 years.  Joe and I are safe but I worry for the kids, who are in high risk occupations.

Joe still working hard.  Weather here great.  Deliveries all OK.  I'm working on getting assets enumerated for lawyers for will,

Sunday

Time goes in circular ways, never changing or moving forward.  Just around and around. So it is we take baby steps to getting our will and trust set up in Florida, find an attorney, start gathering information.  Every day I walk the dog, unpack boxes of food delivery, go to the garbage and re cycling and catch up with friends via phone.  Glad I finally connected with Chris and Pat the other day.  Went on Zoom again this p.m. but Jody couldn't make it.  Called Jim and Louise.  They are managing with take out as is Don McGee who called today.

Data on how and when this will end is not reliable.  Geoff says he will re open at the end of the month but doesn't expect things to get back to normal.

Neighbors who drove to Delaware called and reported traffic up (non stop drive) was OK.  Police barricades at Florida border driving down. Rather ridiculous posturing on the part of the governor.