When I first retired, I thought I'd have lots of time to volunteer. No way. Life closed in with other activities, including taking classes and I realized I didn't want to tie myself to a schedule any more. Enough with schedules! The closest thing was when I volunteered as a Park Ranger for our local Parks and Rec dept. Best part of that was no schedule. Sign in when you wanted to do it. Unfortunately, our old dog Rebe became infirm and I wanted to be with her more. So I stopped volunteering at the Park. I don't think they noticed.
Recently I had lunch with an old friend, a former music teacher who retired several years ago. She said, forget volunteering, this is my time. She has had a long and difficult marriage to a demanding, controlling, skinflint and workaholic man. Fortunately, he made lots of money working all the time and not spending any. She bought a condo on the beach many years ago where she spends every summer. He hates the beach. That solved her summer problem. Then she started taking world cruises every winter. He hates cruises. That solved every winter for her. She loves music and dancing so she started taking dancing lessons. He hates dancing. Problem solved. she goes on cruises alone or with her sisters or friends and dances the nights away.
The rest of the time, she goes to professional events with him, visits their out of state children and grandchildren, eats out at great restaurants a lot with him and in general has a live-in presence.
I think he has no idea that she despises him.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Sunday, September 4, 2016
The most beautiful wedding
It was a most beautiful wedding. Our daughter, a very independent professional, was married on the West Coast. She married a widower with two almost-grown daughters.
We rented a house with our sons and their families for 5 days and that provided a base for the many events. Her friends hosted a Ladies lunch (at her home) on Thursday, where we shared food, stories, and poetry.. Then my husband and I hosted a rehearsal dinner for just about everyone who was in town on Friday. Her friends and his friends introduced themselves and again shared stories. It was enjoyable and heartwarming. Unlike the weddings of many 20 somethings, our daughter and her new husband had a history that included childhood and other long term friendships and for him, friends he made as a couple with his wife. One daughter stood up and explained how, when she learned her Mom was dying, she thought "What will become of my Dad?", then how she found the idea of his new relationship challenging. She expressed herself beautifully, explaining that our daughter was so open hearted and welcoming to her and her sister that she immediately knew the new marriage was the right thing.
I never thought our daughter was the type to make much ado about a wedding but she did it up with elegance and sophistication, hiring a wedding planner and attending to exquisite details like what kind of votive candles to purchase and sprinkle throughout.
The wedding itself was more storybook than any wedding I have attended, held in the evening at a winery in a bucolic setting. As the sun set they were married by an old friend who acted as officiant. Family members on both sides walked slowly down the isle (we had to count to 20 and then start down the aisle). My husband walked our daughter and our two sons walked with me. A family friend walked the grooms' mother. There were no bridesmaids but there were flower girls (our granddaughters) and two brothers as ring bearers. We walked down a path to a grassy area for wine and appetizers, then up to a tent to eat outside. She had beautiful place settings - grey tablecloths and gold beaded chargers and cream, white and blush roses and hydrangeas as flowers. And many candles on the tables and throughout. A grouping of large white vintage lights (rented) hung way above, strung on the tent.
That's when the wedding planner came in handy. Bored, the flower girls and ringbearers started to play, climbing a tree and doing whatever kids do when adults aren't paying attention. The youngest flower girl started to swing around the tent post and the vintage lamps started to sway. A disaster was averted when the wedding planner stopped her before the tent fell down on all of us.
We rented a house with our sons and their families for 5 days and that provided a base for the many events. Her friends hosted a Ladies lunch (at her home) on Thursday, where we shared food, stories, and poetry.. Then my husband and I hosted a rehearsal dinner for just about everyone who was in town on Friday. Her friends and his friends introduced themselves and again shared stories. It was enjoyable and heartwarming. Unlike the weddings of many 20 somethings, our daughter and her new husband had a history that included childhood and other long term friendships and for him, friends he made as a couple with his wife. One daughter stood up and explained how, when she learned her Mom was dying, she thought "What will become of my Dad?", then how she found the idea of his new relationship challenging. She expressed herself beautifully, explaining that our daughter was so open hearted and welcoming to her and her sister that she immediately knew the new marriage was the right thing.
I never thought our daughter was the type to make much ado about a wedding but she did it up with elegance and sophistication, hiring a wedding planner and attending to exquisite details like what kind of votive candles to purchase and sprinkle throughout.
The wedding itself was more storybook than any wedding I have attended, held in the evening at a winery in a bucolic setting. As the sun set they were married by an old friend who acted as officiant. Family members on both sides walked slowly down the isle (we had to count to 20 and then start down the aisle). My husband walked our daughter and our two sons walked with me. A family friend walked the grooms' mother. There were no bridesmaids but there were flower girls (our granddaughters) and two brothers as ring bearers. We walked down a path to a grassy area for wine and appetizers, then up to a tent to eat outside. She had beautiful place settings - grey tablecloths and gold beaded chargers and cream, white and blush roses and hydrangeas as flowers. And many candles on the tables and throughout. A grouping of large white vintage lights (rented) hung way above, strung on the tent.
That's when the wedding planner came in handy. Bored, the flower girls and ringbearers started to play, climbing a tree and doing whatever kids do when adults aren't paying attention. The youngest flower girl started to swing around the tent post and the vintage lamps started to sway. A disaster was averted when the wedding planner stopped her before the tent fell down on all of us.
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