The perfect guest

We have had many guests over the years, both here up north and in Florida.  We tend not to be  overnight  guests ourselves, if possible. In recent years, especially, we enjoy the anonymous comfort of a motel.

 Sometimes being a guest cannot be avoided.  I recall a recent stay at my husband's sister'home where the bed was hard and the room cold.  It felt like a prison cell.  We never said a thing.  But next time....

After a recent week long stay by a friend here in our northern home who never confirmed when exactly she would arrive and how long she would stay, I formulated these rules for guests.

1. Be specific about your plans and if you are using the home of your hosts to visit other friends, tell them that. Your hosts can use the time you are gone!!  Remember, after 3 days fish and guests start to stink.

2. Don't drag your hosts along on day trips you want to take, unless they really want to go.  I recall a friend who visited both here and in Florida and dragged me on shopping excursions where it was all about her needs.  If you want a pink glitter pillow, go to Michaels and get it, don't drag your host along with you.

3. Not necessary but appreciated - a small gift - soap, dish towels, food that keeps (coffee) etc.  an email saying you arrived home would be nice, too.As the cliche goes, it's the thought that counts.

4. Respect your host's time.  They have a life that goes on while you are visiting. Take naps, bring a book and go off into the porch/a quiet spot and read it, Give your hosts some down time.

5. Don't comment on host's food, eating habits ("Do you get enough protein?'), cooking utensils, coffee maker, choice of appliance repairmen (don't laugh), missing phone charger ("I never lost my charger") etc.  Advice at best is ignored.  One upsmanship and implied criticism is never appreciated. So don't walk around commenting on host's life choices. Unless your choices are perfect and you didn't just go to Dunkin' Donuts and buy a dozen donuts (that only you ate).  So many of these behaviors are rote and unconscious that it helps to self-monitor our interactions for negativity or criticality or over-helpfulness.

You are happy when your friend arrives but  sometimes you are indeed happy to see them go.