My friend Barb

 We met when I was in graduate school, working as a dormitory supervisor.  She was an older student, completing undergraduate work.  She dated a fellow student who was friends with my future husband, also a graduate-student at the time.

Barb was quiet and thoughtful and her future husband seemed to dominate her.  He was in my graduate program and was a former priest or seminarian.  Very religious in a rigid way.

We slowly became friends. A loose friendship among the guys became a group friendship among the women, who played bridge weekly and gossiped.  My friend Bev introduced us to Gay who was already married and slightly older.  Barb and I have remained close friends, and Bev slipped away into oblivion after a bizarre and scary visit to her home.  Gay and I get together for lunch once a year or so.

Barb married and they moved around quite a bit, finally buying a home close to the university. Her husband worked for the government and Barb got a graduate degree in Human Development and began tutoring out of her home.  Those early years, we would get together as couples, having the group over for dinner or crab feasts.

Barb became increasingly unhappy in her marriage, they separated, got back together again, and then separated and divorced permanently.  We never saw her husband again, except accidentally.

They had one child, a daughter who had - and still has - multiple health issues.  The stress of their daughter's health probably added to the estrangement.  The health problems were in part genetic - from Barb.

Barb's ex husband paid for her to go to graduate school for a marketable degree, which she got after two years of rigorous work.  Some time around that time she reconnected with the husband of another graduate school friend, who died of cancer, leaving 4 teenagers.

Barb and this man married and it has been a happy marriage.  The children - and even his family - were initially difficult, despite Barb's friendly demeanor and very demure personality.  Barb and her new husband moved many times. She needed a warm, dry climate for her health issues..  We visited them at one of their homes in Albuquerque.  They had just put in extensive hardscaping and they were planning a kitchen renovation.  Then Barb  decided Albuquerque had a high crime rate (it does) Her area was outside downtown but she wanted out.

This past spring, in the midst of the pandemic, Barb and I had a long telephone call.  They were living in an apartment in Fort  Collins, Co.  I think her husband liked the idea of a "college town" but college faculty can be very insular.  It was colder than she expected and she hated it.

The story has a happy ending.  Barb and her husband visited St George, Utah which they liked.  Nothing was available, even to rent. They moved to St. George, anyway, living in one of those long term motels.  I thought, how awful.  However, I just heard from her.  They found a home in a 55 plus community.  Had to bid up to get it.  An added bonus is that her (divorced) sister and niece are moving there, too.  She will have roots.

I think this will be permanent.