The pandemic has certain benefits for older people like us. Without the frenzy of dinners out with friends and various events, it becomes clear what and who is important..
Now so much has ben stripped away and values, attitudes and reality itself is clearer now. I have dropped three "friends". One, a long term friend imperiously ignored health regulations early in the pandemic. Sneered at them. Actually felt sorry for herself since St. Patrick's Day just wasn't the same. All about her. It always was all about her. This behavior put her narcissism in bold relief.
Another, an acquaintance whose husband had a serious case of MS that defied any treatment, had to care for him, with aides for many years. When we were up north, we would visit them, bring over lunch. Chat a bit. From Florida, after she was widowed, I'd call periodically to see how she was doing. In May, while the pandemic was spreading she crossed a county border to go to a hairdresser who was open. Said her hair was orange. I wanted to say, if your hair is orange, you need a new hairdresser. We argued about it, she became very angry. I haven't called her since and, tellingly, she has not called me.
The third I feel bad about since she is older and isolated since she had a fall several years ago. We were gardening friends. would occasionally go out to lunch. I'd stop off once a summer when I was back up north. Bring flowers, sometimes food. Her divorced son moved in with her several years ago. Recently she called, left a message, she was lonely, couldn't get out etc. I called her back and we had a nice conversation until she started having delusional and hateful stories about our previous president and the current presidential candidate. Her statements were racist, derogatory, venal. I asked her what right wing extremist radio she was listening to and that I couldn't disagree more. Said, I have to go now.
Although sad, these relationships were not true friendships, just convenient acquaintances to chat with about similar interests. Time is precious. As my father used to say, time is running out.
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